This Story of Hope about recovery from pain pill addiction features Jennifer, now 8 years in recovery, who fell into addiction in her early teens.
As Jennifer’s husband lay dying in the hospital, he revealed his final wish.
“He said, ‘I love you. You need to figure it out and stay sober — for my soul,’ Jennifer recalls. “I promised him right then and there I’d never use another opiate. I had to do it. We were soul mates.”
Jennifer kept her promise. Now 51 and an Ideal Option patient, she is eight years into recovery.
Every year, on her sobriety anniversary, she says, “I talk to my husband a lot and tell him, ‘Thank you for being here to help me.’”
When Jennifer’s husband died, the two of them had been drug-free for five days, one of their many attempts at sobriety. Unaware of medication assisted treatment (MAT), they’d always gone cold turkey. But they would rarely last a week.
“We’d try for as long as we could,” says Jennifer. “But then we’d feel sick, and our friends would come over, and we’d go back to using.”
A few days after her husband died, a friend told Jennifer about Suboxone, the medication that suppresses withdrawal symptoms and cravings. Jennifer was skeptical.
“I thought, ‘Nothing’s worked yet, so why would this work?’”
Jennifer had been addicted to pain pills since her early teens, when she had trouble sleeping.
“My dad kept pills on the windowsill in the kitchen, and he’d take one and go to sleep, so I did that, too. Just taking one made me feel all woozy and cool. I liked it.”
Before long, she was able to get her own prescription, due to severe menstrual pain and problems with her wisdom teeth.
“I’d find a new reason to ask for pills or just fake one,” Jennifer says. “Back then, doctors weren’t afraid to give you pills. I think I was addicted right away.”
After high school, Jennifer worked a series of jobs and then became a certified nursing assistant. She frequently called in sick because she’d run out of pills.
“I couldn’t even get out of bed,” Jennifer recalls. “I’d vomit and have the headache from hell. The heart palpitations would scare me the most.”
At one point, she hurt her back lifting a heavy patient but continued to work so she could pay for her pills.
Desperate to maintain her supply, Jennifer began stealing from family, including her husband, and they divorced.
“I was taking money out of his wallet,” Jennifer says. “That’s why we split up. He felt my drugs were more important to me than he was. I didn’t want to admit it back then. I was just trying to avoid feeling sick.”
Jennifer lost her nursing assistant job, and, to make ends meet, began babysitting and caring for her friends’ parents. She’d steal jewelry, coins — “whatever I could find” — and sell the items to pawn shops. Twice she got caught and did short stints in jail.
After the divorce, Jennifer’s ex-husband spiraled downward himself. He became addicted to meth and developed serious heart problems.
Eventually, the two remarried. Both had lost their jobs, along with the energy it took to maintain their lifestyle.
“It was very stressful,” Jennifer says. “It put us on the edge of breaking up again a few times. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so tired but couldn’t sleep. It was just a hard life.”
After Jennifer’s husband died and she started on Suboxone, she was amazed at how well she could function.
“My body felt better, but I didn’t get high,” she says. “My brain wasn’t in such a dark place. I could take long walks with my dog. Before, even getting up and cleaning the house was a chore. I couldn’t go anywhere without pills in my pocket.”
Today, Jennifer has peace of mind.
“I don’t worry about talking to scuzzy people or getting pills fronted to me I couldn’t pay for or stealing and getting arrested. I was always scared of getting caught.”
These days, Jennifer lives with her sister and cares for her stepfather, who lives nearby and has health problems.
“I used to just ask for money and leave,” Jennifer says. “Now, I can clean and vacuum and be there for him.”
Jennifer checks in with her Ideal Option provider monthly and meets with a mental health counselor once a week. “It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who isn’t going to judge me.”
Specializing in addiction medicine since 2012, Ideal Option has helped tens of thousands of people just like Jennifer get started in recovery. Click here to make an appointment at Ideal Option today!
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